Children in Need

Tonight I am the worst mother in the world.
I don't know how that happened, when I was trying so hard to be the best.
Perhaps the problem lies in the number of mothers I was trying to be...and to the number of children that seemed in need.
There's really only one.
And that's you.
I'm sorry.

Secrets

All my tomorrows could hinge on this.
I want...no, I need, all my tomorrows to be filled with you.
I am so frightened of the what if's.
You say it to me when we are together, and yet, I am so afraid that it will be you, who will leave me...and not the other way around.
I will never tell you that.
Anyway....you have to be with someone in the first place to leave them....so technically speaking, it can't really happen.
I still wonder why you wouldn't answer my question. The one that led me to remove myself from you for a little while.
Withdrawing for a moment into one of my vices.
Peace. Protection.
Numb.
I was frightened of making you angry...so I left it.
Today...I remembered that you never answered.
Do you have something to hide.........that will lead to me getting hurt...
I am resisting pulling up the drawbridge.
That's how much, I want you.

12%

All day I said I wouldn't.
But I did.
And then I remembered that if you're going to do it...you can't fire on all four so bollocks........here comes failure.
You can't even see straight.
It's like I said.......I do it when I can't cope with my own feelings.
And I can't.

Anything...everything

Tonight we walked together side by side.
And you told me your plans.
And I felt so close.
And yet I'm always so far.
I really have no idea where you see me.
But you, mean so much to me.

Twelve

You have freckles that make my heart sing.
Your little fingers wrap around my soul.
To hold you is to know heaven.
The sound of your voice is perfection.
I live for you. You give me meaning.
You are all I am about.
You make me laugh with the little things.
You are unique and priceless, and precious.
You will make someone very happy one day....I'm sure.
You...will always be my baby.

Odd socks

Sometimes I do silly things, because my head can't keep up with my heart.
Because my sense of what's real can't take it all in...and disbelieves.
Because what seems to be, is outside of what is usual.
Because I was raised in captivity.
And told what to think.
Brainwashed and terrorised.
Today, I'm trying not to think.....but just to be.
Tonight, I'm dancing.
And hoping.