Enter the Void

I am afraid of unstructured time.
For an hour or so...there was an almost empty window.
Must dos running out.
Panic rising.
This next window, is very, very full.
Phew......

In your eyes

We found some middle ground.
Where I know you keep me safe.
And you know I keep you safe.
Where you do the numbers.
And I do the people.
And somehow we help each other survive.
I know, that you know it's true.

Here

On days like this, you and me just like to hide away.
While the rest of the world does what it's meant to do...we just like to be.

Mommy dearest

Mother...you are everything I never want to be.
For a Mother who means trouble to me.
Wishing you weren't mine...on Mother's Day.
Sadly, these titles are sadly lacking in all good cards shops.

True Colours

When he limped towards me, I looked away.
When he said he felt cheated, my words caught in my throat.
When he told me that I have the most beautiful smile....I had to question everything.
I have been afraid of him for a long time.

Gas Mask

The smell of Lynx drifts down my stairs.
My boy is growin' up.
I don't know why he uses it like fly spray.
If I didn't love him so much...I could choke.
Maybe I will...maybe I won't.

Neglect

It would be hugely helpful...if I could just start believing.
I thought I had.
Turns out old habits die hard.

You

What I wouldn't give for....

Erm...

I had a baby with a man I don't know.
How did that happen?

Home

I feel sick.
It could be the silly amounts of chardonnay.
Or it could be that I'm missing home.
If only I knew where that was.

Moths

I can hear it in his voice,
He's crushed again.
Anyone else would see it coming, but he never does.
I hate it when she takes him for a fool.
Surely, that's not what he is.
Is it?

Unwanted Presents

She gave me anxieties I didn't need to have.
Worries that weren't mine.
I try so hard not to own them.
But it's difficult when they were gift wrapped so beautifully.

Rollercoaster

The first two texts I received this morning had no kisses.
I spent all morning chewing the inside of my own mouth.

Green

Past experience breeds current behaviours.
Experience tells me to watch carefully.
Watching carefully can be defined as paranoia.
I'm trying not to let this get out of hand.
But it's hard.
Because it happened once before...so it could happen again.

Missing

The day you left me, you bought me a can of diet coke.
Like you did every day.
It's still on my desk.
It's two years old.
I started drinking on a school night.

Twitter

My secret is out.
My nerves are in shreds.
How can I tell you that I'm terrified a better me will come along?
How can I tell you that I'm convinced you use your networks to prowel and select?
All because I'm sure, I'm just not good enough.
And that's why it didn't happen.

The problem, is all mine...

I can't tell you that I wonder what she has that I don't.

Shhhh....

I'm all caught up inside my secret.
And my secret is so special.
I want to shout it from the rooftops.
But I know that would be certain suicide.
My secret makes me happy.
My secret keeps me safe.
My secret is you.

Words

I just found something that was probably never meant for me to read.
But now that I have my heart is bleeding.

Sunshine

Today the sun cracked the pavements.
And smiles cracked my lips.
As tears ran down my cheeks.
Finally, I found it.
The thing I've been looking for all this time.
We will have our ups and downs...our wobbles...but we'll get through it.
That's what he said.
And, for once, I'm going to believe it.
Not question it.
Everything has changed.